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Monday, September 14, 2009
Just on the other side.
If you know me, you know i have this avid love of the city of New York and all it has to offer. As a matter of fact I recently spent a fantastic weekend there. One of my best actually. But now will not be able to call this place home. Let me explain.
"I do not understand what I do. For I want to do, I do not do, but what i do i hate." Romans 7:15 My pastor constantly says that we blame to much on the devil, the real battle is with the flesh. And this weekend was proof of that. The hardest thing to do is to let go of your old ways.. My flesh likes to do certain things and while they have never harmed me or anyone else or were illegal for that matter I wonder that now with this understand of having a relationship with God how many people have a witnessed to just by them watching me....and have I been a good witness. People are not looking for you to talk to them about God they are looking for you to show them God. Because He's on the inside what do they see on the outside?
I am easily distracted. lol sometimes I feel like the puppy from the "Up" movie when they yell SQUIRREL lol and as I am walking to catch my bad to the airport at 530 in the morning and i walk by drug dealers, sex workers, non-believers, school kids, bright lights and loud sounds there was a quickening in my spirit. "Do u see why you can't live here?" God for real? really? Seriously? Come one! one weekend of fun and now i can't live here? "Where would you go? Forward or back? Can u handle the distractions? or will the bright lights and the loud sounds get the best of you?" I had to be real with myself....so no i would not be able to say no. I even went as far as asking myself why do you want to be there? all my answers were superficial. None of them led me to God.
Isn't this the point of it all?! That God get the glory! So I choose to be obedient and walk away. Because I know that while I'd be blessed, it would be a struggle and I'm done struggling... I'm living the abundant life and plan to do so till I'm called to be with Him. Until them I pray for a boldness and courage that takes me to the next level. for Guidance, Mercy and grace. Until its time, I'll stay on this side of the fence.
Note: when I realized the decision was made, not gonna lie... it hurt. But not that kind of sorrowful pain...i call it my vanishing city (limb) pain because it felt like a piece of me was taken off in order to get better..
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
The awakening...a check
Aug 31/ Sept 1 marks my 2 year anniversary in Tucson, AZ. If you know me you know that this stay has had its ups and downs...
I'm currently reading The Greatest Secret which is not to be confused with The Secret. The Greatest Secret is our personal relationship with God and the renewing of the mind. I am only on chapter 3 and as I turn each page I'm being slapped in the face. Its as if I'm reading about myself, my doubts, concerns, and questions but with instructions on how to fix it. Its all at my fingertips...but for some odd reason my dominant thoughts feelings are limiting me and what I can do for God, others and myself.
Its why I am still where I am at doing the same things etc. Do you have ANY idea how much that realization hurts!?! That there's no one to blame but myself. That I have to take my own advice and put on my BIG GIRL PANTIES and be about it instead of just talking about it. That dare I say it I have to be INTENTIONAL...
I'm currently reading The Greatest Secret which is not to be confused with The Secret. The Greatest Secret is our personal relationship with God and the renewing of the mind. I am only on chapter 3 and as I turn each page I'm being slapped in the face. Its as if I'm reading about myself, my doubts, concerns, and questions but with instructions on how to fix it. Its all at my fingertips...but for some odd reason my dominant thoughts feelings are limiting me and what I can do for God, others and myself.
Its why I am still where I am at doing the same things etc. Do you have ANY idea how much that realization hurts!?! That there's no one to blame but myself. That I have to take my own advice and put on my BIG GIRL PANTIES and be about it instead of just talking about it. That dare I say it I have to be INTENTIONAL...
Lord your will not mine. No more complacency, mediocrity.... Asking the HARD questions and getting the answers. I WILL pass this test. I'm putting the plan into practice.
SIDENOTE: A great friend just shared this with me
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
(Matt 10) NIV
In a world where there are endless opportunities and possibilities, one can only wonder about what could be or could have been instead of having regrets
or seeking every possible venue for the best results chose the ONLY one that's worth anything.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I see HIM
Yesterday I as sitting in bible study...tired. physically tired. This last trip's jet lag has really kicked me in the butt lol. But it was so worth it.
Were are currently studying Philippians and are on chapter 2 versus 1-9. When Bishop said to read slowly he meant it. Now I have read those versus many times but this time the words jumped off the page!
My favor tie is the part where Paul says to humble ourselves and take on Jesus' attitude and that Jesus gave up everything to become man because he saw the greater picture...How awesome is that?! He gave up streets of gold, glory and praised for us.. He went from being served to the one serving.. My mind is still trying to wrapped itself around that concept...Its too much! That some for real love... and the best part is that the miracles signs and wonders he perform were as a MAN! not as God using the shell of a human disguising himself but a true man flesh blood emotions etc. and he was able to do what he did ONLY through faith in the Father...yeah could he have called upon his daddy and angels etc to help him out definitely but he didn't he knew there was process he had to go through to get to the end result..
so now when I'm upset or hurt confused crying mad whatever I remind myself that Jesus understand because he too had a process he had to go through...I just have to remember the bigger picture.
Were are currently studying Philippians and are on chapter 2 versus 1-9. When Bishop said to read slowly he meant it. Now I have read those versus many times but this time the words jumped off the page!
My favor tie is the part where Paul says to humble ourselves and take on Jesus' attitude and that Jesus gave up everything to become man because he saw the greater picture...How awesome is that?! He gave up streets of gold, glory and praised for us.. He went from being served to the one serving.. My mind is still trying to wrapped itself around that concept...Its too much! That some for real love... and the best part is that the miracles signs and wonders he perform were as a MAN! not as God using the shell of a human disguising himself but a true man flesh blood emotions etc. and he was able to do what he did ONLY through faith in the Father...yeah could he have called upon his daddy and angels etc to help him out definitely but he didn't he knew there was process he had to go through to get to the end result..
so now when I'm upset or hurt confused crying mad whatever I remind myself that Jesus understand because he too had a process he had to go through...I just have to remember the bigger picture.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
some adventures
My first ride on a Harley
The Snowbaording trip with little snow...
Looking out the MLKs Assasin's window
The Grand Canyon
The butterfly effect
My city that never sleeps yet brings me peace
The Snowbaording trip with little snow...
Looking out the MLKs Assasin's window
The Grand Canyon
The butterfly effect
My city that never sleeps yet brings me peace
In one year maybe two
It has been year and I can honestly say that I am not the person I once was... though sometimes she tries to come back in my life I have to keep her in check lol. i have traveled to some interesting places and met some peculiar people. God definitely has a sense if humor.
Here are some of the people and places I have had the opportunity to meet and greet:
The little french lady-She's my first. She couldn't speak English and I don't know a word of French but somehow we were still able to communicate. I did understand she was very tired from all the traveling but even more I could FEEL how scared she was..I helped her find her family and they were SO grateful i took the time to walk with her and help her out.. I hope to make it to her age
Miss C~ an 80+ Lil Jewish lady from flushing queens. I met her on the plane to NY, the same week i found out about my mothers cancer. She was the highlight of my week. I got to sit next to her on the plane, funny thing is i was upset because there weren't any window seats and when i sit down all i want to do is sleep! Well Miss C and I talked for most of the 2 hour ride and she made my day. She loved her some Obama stating "that is a really bright and handsome young man" She's my ray of sunshine.
Mr. Stinky breath~ Met him on my first trip to Charlotte NC. I'm still trying to figure out why people with halitosis have to get so close to you when they talk and even worse he thought i couldn't hear him because we were on the plane so not only did he get closer but louder. this was a test of sharing my beliefs. He questioned God and I politely rebuttal ed.. I hope he got the message..
Mr. H- runs a non-profit for the deaf and hearing impaired population. He helped me to see life from the eyes and not the mouth. Talk about be quick to listen slow to speak and slow to anger.... you never know the underlying story... i tend to see situations differently already but meeting him gave me a whole new perspective. "If you can speak it that i should see it." Well said Mr. H
SUDO- a young 26 man of God from NM. Gave me a ride and put a dent in my life! I don't think I ever heard a young man speak about God the way he does. He truly wants to win souls for God and DO God's work. He's my reality check. Where are you really at? called me out on my poker face and everything.....
the Plane family~ 3 kids and their parentals...now the story goes that i missed my flight on my way to my friends wedding and broke down at the customer service counter at the Denver airport. Well they saw me (how embarrassing I know, what can i say it was a rough morning....) and funny enough ended up sitting next to me on the plane...The mom even asked me if i was OK! truly a believing family. God has his way of placing people in your life if even for a few minutes that make you remember whats really important. i was able to help them plan their Disney adventure! I hope they had a great week! I should call them....
The madrina- Once in a while i get some rowdy people in my trainings but this one was special.... she didn't understand the concept I was trying to teach and as I tried to explain it to her in another way she called me out on not know what i was talking about. Because i am as prepared as one could possibly be for a situation such as this one i polity said "well you may not agree with me so lets ask the rest of the group" and sure enough they gave her the same response.... So a word of advice Know your stuff and ALWAYS check your facts!
The diabetic-I haven been in direct service for 2 years now and everyday i miss it. The one on one connection with a client, the constant hustle and bustle of the office or clinic.. something was ALWAYS going on. so when i was presented with the opportunity to do some outreach with a really great church group i jumped at the opportunity! One of the community member Ms. Diabetic along with other health issues had just returned home from the hospital KNOWING she's not stable and should have stayed..Her reason? She needed to be home for check day. She fear her check being stolen if she wasn't home and it was the ONLY source of income for her. This made me truly sad and grateful. Sad because in a country where there's an abundance people lie cheat and steal from others sometimes those less fortunate to make it. Grateful because I am healthy and have never been without.
The McD guy- a homeless guy here in Tucson i tried to communicate with and help out. I thought he wanted food so i got him some.. Well the next week he come by and apparently I was wrong and he no longer wanted my help called me crazy and everything....wow...
I have had some adventures in the past year some hurt some healed but I know now that all of it had a purpose. So as I continue to learn and grown I also continue to thank God for what He has done, is doing, and will be doing.
I am already alright!!
Here are some of the people and places I have had the opportunity to meet and greet:
The little french lady-She's my first. She couldn't speak English and I don't know a word of French but somehow we were still able to communicate. I did understand she was very tired from all the traveling but even more I could FEEL how scared she was..I helped her find her family and they were SO grateful i took the time to walk with her and help her out.. I hope to make it to her age
Miss C~ an 80+ Lil Jewish lady from flushing queens. I met her on the plane to NY, the same week i found out about my mothers cancer. She was the highlight of my week. I got to sit next to her on the plane, funny thing is i was upset because there weren't any window seats and when i sit down all i want to do is sleep! Well Miss C and I talked for most of the 2 hour ride and she made my day. She loved her some Obama stating "that is a really bright and handsome young man" She's my ray of sunshine.
Mr. Stinky breath~ Met him on my first trip to Charlotte NC. I'm still trying to figure out why people with halitosis have to get so close to you when they talk and even worse he thought i couldn't hear him because we were on the plane so not only did he get closer but louder. this was a test of sharing my beliefs. He questioned God and I politely rebuttal ed.. I hope he got the message..
Mr. H- runs a non-profit for the deaf and hearing impaired population. He helped me to see life from the eyes and not the mouth. Talk about be quick to listen slow to speak and slow to anger.... you never know the underlying story... i tend to see situations differently already but meeting him gave me a whole new perspective. "If you can speak it that i should see it." Well said Mr. H
SUDO- a young 26 man of God from NM. Gave me a ride and put a dent in my life! I don't think I ever heard a young man speak about God the way he does. He truly wants to win souls for God and DO God's work. He's my reality check. Where are you really at? called me out on my poker face and everything.....
the Plane family~ 3 kids and their parentals...now the story goes that i missed my flight on my way to my friends wedding and broke down at the customer service counter at the Denver airport. Well they saw me (how embarrassing I know, what can i say it was a rough morning....) and funny enough ended up sitting next to me on the plane...The mom even asked me if i was OK! truly a believing family. God has his way of placing people in your life if even for a few minutes that make you remember whats really important. i was able to help them plan their Disney adventure! I hope they had a great week! I should call them....
The madrina- Once in a while i get some rowdy people in my trainings but this one was special.... she didn't understand the concept I was trying to teach and as I tried to explain it to her in another way she called me out on not know what i was talking about. Because i am as prepared as one could possibly be for a situation such as this one i polity said "well you may not agree with me so lets ask the rest of the group" and sure enough they gave her the same response.... So a word of advice Know your stuff and ALWAYS check your facts!
The diabetic-I haven been in direct service for 2 years now and everyday i miss it. The one on one connection with a client, the constant hustle and bustle of the office or clinic.. something was ALWAYS going on. so when i was presented with the opportunity to do some outreach with a really great church group i jumped at the opportunity! One of the community member Ms. Diabetic along with other health issues had just returned home from the hospital KNOWING she's not stable and should have stayed..Her reason? She needed to be home for check day. She fear her check being stolen if she wasn't home and it was the ONLY source of income for her. This made me truly sad and grateful. Sad because in a country where there's an abundance people lie cheat and steal from others sometimes those less fortunate to make it. Grateful because I am healthy and have never been without.
The McD guy- a homeless guy here in Tucson i tried to communicate with and help out. I thought he wanted food so i got him some.. Well the next week he come by and apparently I was wrong and he no longer wanted my help called me crazy and everything....wow...
I have had some adventures in the past year some hurt some healed but I know now that all of it had a purpose. So as I continue to learn and grown I also continue to thank God for what He has done, is doing, and will be doing.
I am already alright!!
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