Just on the other side.

If you know me, you know i have this avid love of the city of New York and all it has to offer. As a matter of fact I recently spent a fantastic weekend there. One of my best actually. But now will not be able to call this place home. Let me explain.

"I do not understand what I do. For I want to do, I do not do, but what i do i hate." Romans 7:15 My pastor constantly says that we blame to much on the devil, the real battle is with the flesh. And this weekend was proof of that. The hardest thing to do is to let go of your old ways.. My flesh likes to do certain things and while they have never harmed me or anyone else or were illegal for that matter I wonder that now with this understand of having a relationship with God how many people have a witnessed to just by them watching me....and have I been a good witness. People are not looking for you to talk to them about God they are looking for you to show them God. Because He's on the inside what do they see on the outside?

I am easily distracted. lol sometimes I feel like the puppy from the "Up" movie when they yell SQUIRREL lol and as I am walking to catch my bad to the airport at 530 in the morning and i walk by drug dealers, sex workers, non-believers, school kids, bright lights and loud sounds there was a quickening in my spirit. "Do u see why you can't live here?" God for real? really? Seriously? Come one! one weekend of fun and now i can't live here? "Where would you go? Forward or back? Can u handle the distractions? or will the bright lights and the loud sounds get the best of you?" I had to be real with myself....so no i would not be able to say no. I even went as far as asking myself why do you want to be there? all my answers were superficial. None of them led me to God.

Isn't this the point of it all?! That God get the glory! So I choose to be obedient and walk away. Because I know that while I'd be blessed, it would be a struggle and I'm done struggling... I'm living the abundant life and plan to do so till I'm called to be with Him. Until them I pray for a boldness and courage that takes me to the next level. for Guidance, Mercy and grace. Until its time, I'll stay on this side of the fence.

Note: when I realized the decision was made, not gonna lie... it hurt. But not that kind of sorrowful pain...i call it my vanishing city (limb) pain because it felt like a piece of me was taken off in order to get better..